An eventful few days in South Africa has left blog writers with a goldmine of material. Thank you England!
Two top stories involving the England team include:
- Prince William and Harry were so angry with the team that they conducted an ingenious plan to allow access to the dressing room to angry fans.
- Wayne Rooney apologised for being mouthy – despite it being a proud scouse tradition – and is still being given chamomile teas to try and calm him down for Wednesday afternoon.
However, the main news was
John Terry’s brave bid to stand up to the teacher. The big showdown talks were supposed to include the squad standing up to Mr Capello and his schoolboy regime. However, it appears that Terry was made to sit in the corner in training while wearing a big hat with the letter ‘D’ on and may be forced to play the Slovenia game in just his underpants.
Young Terry has fortunately avoided being suspended like his chum
Nicolas Anelka who was sent home early after an unprovoked attack on a teacher at a poorly run rival school.
Non-football news involving the England squad was a school trip to an orphanage in Cape Town yesterday. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jamal aged 6. Heard that one before? Hang on, I’ve got another...do you know Oxo are introducing a new white Oxo cube with a red cross on it in support of the England team? It's called ‘the laughing stock’.
In other World Cup news, Portugal edged a lucky 7-0 win over North Korea, Spain’s Fernando Torres revealed the worst dyed hair since the invention of hair dye by Eugene Schueller in 1907, and Brazil’s Kaka was sent off for GBH after breathing too heavily on an opponent.
However, despite all the bad news for England fans, it was a thrill to discover a happy story in the Daily Mail. It was reported that a
woman burst her windpipe by blowing a vuvuzela too hard. This news perhaps gave the world the first sensationally conclusive evidence that there is actually a God. The Church of England is yet to comment.
So, as we get on our knees to pray to the (recently discovered) Holy Father in tomorrow morning’s assembly...just also try to thank him for not making you French!
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