England opened their World Cup campaign this weekend with a 1-1 draw with the USA with the major talking point being a horrific moment when England goalkeeper Robert Green suffered a small seizure after the football was secretly swapped with a cannonball by cunning American players.
But instead of watching Gareth “shirt-wearing maverick” Southgate discuss his opinion on this brilliant American masterplan on ITV, the best place for football punditry on Saturday was found online. Social networks appear to be the only location for access to the greatest sporting minds in the 21st Century...
Twitter lynchpin
Stephen Fry said: “Now THAT’S embarrassing,” before tweeting half an hour later: “Poor Bobbity Green. In all the years he played for Norwich he never made such a mistake.” But surely playing for Norwich is more embarrassing, Stephen?
Russell Brand chipped in with a cheeky post-match quip that heralded the benefits of a more defensive system: ‘Steve Gerrard "The whole team is behind Rob Green". In retrospect, that's a good place to stand.’ It was hard to argue.
While the online World Cup commentary during the game came from the brilliant
MC Hammer, who put forward the sharp and probing question that shook the football establishment to the core: ‘What’s going on USA vs England? Goal?’ Again, he was quite right to put forward this probing question.
However, the pinnacle of World Cup analysis came from the brilliant mind of Britain’s Got Talent judge
Amanda Holden, who summed up the feeling of the entire nation with the heartbreaking and beautifully poetic comment: “OMG Nooooooo!” This powerful (yet simple) gem has perhaps provided us with the pièce de résistance of the written word in the entire history of the English Language so far.
But Facebook was the place for the entire English population to get involved and has provided us with further evidence that British comedy is at the forefront of the world. A whole host of groups have been started, such as “That awkward moment when Robert Green asks you to play catch with him” and “Robert Green's gloves; sponsored by Clover”. Brilliant! Many people who have joined these groups have since been rushed to hospital with split-sides.
Of course, Robert Green wasn’t the only person to embarrassingly flap like a pathetic wind sock, as ITV continued to cause their hilarious broadcasting reputation to grow by missed the England on their ITV HD channel...but on a positive note, the advert for Hyundai cars looked VERY crisp and sharp!
Who would be a goalkeeper, hey? Thankfully Dreamscape Design – showing faith in his handling skills - have moved quickly and snapped up Robert Green in our highly pressured and demanding “tea-boy” role. Good luck, Rob! That’s a milky tea and a hob-nob please.
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